It's not that I hate what it stands for--love, love, and more love--no, not at all. I am somewhat inexperienced in that area. So how can I miss or hate something that I've never really had (referring to romantic and not platonic love, I mean)?
Valentine's Day does annoy me, I will admit. When I see people who are genuinely happy and willing to express their love for one another, it makes me envious. It makes me think of Sam Baldwin and Annie Reed in Sleepless in Seattle, one of my favorite chick flicks of all time. It gets me thinking of how nice it would be to feel that way for another being, and have that affection and love reciprocated.
And maybe that's why I'm writing this now. My love, the one who selflessly reciprocated and loved me unconditionally despite my many, many shortcomings, is not here to share this ridiculous holiday with me. It's been a year today since he passed away, but the wound still feels fresh. Waking up today I didn't think it would, but as the day has progressed, I am feeling myself trudging and hoping that February 15 comes soon, and that next year's Valentine's Day won't feel so gloomy.
Oscar--my love--was my best friend. Our relationship reminded me very much of the same relationship that Will and Grace had on TV (Oscar being a heterosexual Will, and I being Grace, if you can imagine that). He was there to bless me whenever I sneezed, to make sure I saved his spot for him in bed, and to wake me up with his moist nose and soft, wiry whiskers every morning right around 5:45 a.m.
Oscar, my cat, was, and still is, the love of my life. And today, especially today, I miss him tremendously. He left me too prematurely and everyday, but most especially today, I wish I could hold him in my arms and kiss his furry face once more. I wish I could tell him, express to him, how much I love him and how sorry I am for all of the stupidities and selfish tantrums I put him through when he was here. Most of all, I wish I could've said goodbye. He died at a neighboring animal clinic on Valentine's Day while I was at work. My family didn't have the heart to tell me of his passing until the next day. Since then I have felt the need for closure. But to be honest, I just wish I could still have Oscar around.
I love you Oscar, and I miss you everyday. I am so grateful I got to be your best friend for the three short years I had you, and I hope to see you again someday.
Happy Valentine's Day, Oscar!
